Have you ever wondered why some people seem to stick to habits so easily – while you find yourself unravelling just days (or even hours) after making a plan?
Then welcome to the club.
For years, I did all the “right” things that the habit gurus and leadership mentors taught me. I followed popular productivity advice, set goals, planned my months and my weeks ahead, blocked out time in my diary, and made beautifully colour-coded to do lists. But despite my best efforts, those habits rarely stuck. I was left frustrated, wondering: Why can’t I follow through like everyone else?
Then I Discovered the Four Tendencies
Everything changed when I came across The Four Tendencies, a framework developed by author Gretchen Rubin. It explains how we each respond to expectations – our own and those of others. And that response directly affects how well we form habits.
According to this research, we each fall into one of four categories:
- Upholders meet both inner and outer expectations.
- Questioners need to fully understand and agree before committing.
- Obligers thrive on external accountability.
- Rebels resist all expectations – both from others and themselves.
Guess what? I’m predominantly a Rebel – a tendency that only 17% of the population shares.
Why Being a Rebel Changed Everything
Rebels resist being told what to do – even when it’s for their own good. We value freedom, choice, and autonomy. Traditional habit advice (like strict schedules or accountability buddies) can actually make things harder for Rebels, not easier.
No wonder so many strategies didn’t work for me. They were designed for Upholders, Questioners, or Obligers – not someone like me who bristles at structure and needs more spontaneity and flexibility.
Understanding my Rebel nature was a turning point. I stopped forcing myself into systems that didn’t fit and started building routines that matched how I’m wired.
How Rebels Can Make Habits Stick (Without Losing Their Freedom)
Once I understood I was a Rebel, I stopped trying to force myself into rigid systems. Gretchen Rubin suggests a few strategies that work particularly well for Rebels – and they helped me transform the way I approach habits. They also helped me make sense of why certain habits had stuck for me all along.
Take exercise, for example. It’s something many people struggle to stay consistent with, but for me, it’s never been an issue. Why? Because I’ve always seen myself as someone who’s active, fit, and sporty – it’s part of my identity. That internal narrative kept me moving without needing external motivation. But here’s the catch: I could never stick to doing the same thing every day. A rigid plan like swimming every morning would fall apart within days. What does work is variety and freedom – deciding in the moment what I feel like doing, or choosing a walk or a class because I want to, not because it’s on a schedule.
It turns out I’d already started figuring out what worked for me – through trial, error, and paying attention to what actually felt right. I just didn’t have the language or framework to explain it until I discovered the Four Tendencies.
Here’s how I now frame my habits in a way that actually works for me – and how it compares to the more popularised advice:
Identity > Obligation
Popular approach: Set a goal. Break it down. Stick to it no matter what.
Rebel-friendly approach: Align habits with identity and values.
Rather than forcing myself to do something, I focus on being the kind of person I want to be: “I’m someone who values strength, energy, and movement.” That mindset creates natural momentum.
Choice > Schedule
Popular approach: Follow a fixed routine or time slot every day.
Rebel-friendly approach: Build in freedom and flexibility.
Instead of “I must swim every morning,” I ask, “What do I feel like doing today?” That could be yoga, a coastal walk, or TRX. When the habit feels like a choice, not a rule, I’m much more likely to do it.
Challenge > Compliance
Popular approach: Use accountability tools and trackers.
Rebel-friendly approach: Reframe habits as a bold personal stance.
I remind myself: “Many people burn out – I’m choosing balance.” Or “Midlife isn’t decline – I’m rewriting the script.” When a habit becomes an act of self-expression or resistance, it clicks.
These shifts changed everything for me. Once I stopped trying to “do it right” by someone else’s rules, I found ways to make habits feel purposeful, energising, and mine.
Can You Recognise Your Own Habit Tendency?
Curious where you fall? Take the free Four Tendencies Quiz here.
Once you have your result, feel free to email me at [email protected], and I’ll send you a deeper explanation of what it means and how to work with it—not against it.
Journaling for Self-Discovery: Your Habit Clues
If you’re a journaler (or want to become one), here are three great prompts to explore your own habit style:
- What habits have I struggled to stick to, and how did that make me feel?
- How do I react to expectations from myself and others?
- What strategies have worked for me in the past, and how can I tweak them for my current goals?
These questions can help unlock patterns and point the way toward building habits that stick – because they’re designed for you.
“What works for one person may not work for another – and that’s not a sign of failure. It’s a clue.”
— Gretchen Rubin
