When was the last time you truly chose yourself?
Valentine’s Day is often wrapped in grand gestures and romantic expectations, but what if we used it as a quiet moment to reflect? Not just on love in the traditional sense, but on the love we show ourselves.
For the past ten years, I’ve written and sent a Valentine’s card to myself. It started out feeling a bit corny, but it’s become one of the most meaningful rituals I keep. Some years, I’ve felt on top of the world; other years, not so much. But every card reflects where I am in that moment – an acknowledgment of the journey, the choices, the lessons, and the love I’ve given (or neglected to give) myself.
Culturally, Valentine’s Day is loud and commercial, but self-love doesn’t need to be. What if, instead of waiting for the world to tell us when and how to celebrate love, we built a quiet, daily practice of choosing ourselves?
The Compound Effect of Choosing Yourself.
There’s a concept in finance called compound interest – the idea that small, consistent investments grow exponentially over time. Self-love works the same way. The little ways we choose ourselves every day – whether that’s resting when we need to, saying no when something doesn’t feel right, or pursuing what truly lights us up – create an emotional and psychological reserve. A bank of self-love that we can draw from when life throws unexpected challenges our way.
Because the truth is, if we don’t invest in what matters to us, we don’t just stay the same – we experience atrophy, just like a muscle that isn’t used.
Saying No: The Fear vs. The Reality
Self-love isn’t just about the easy yeses. It’s also about the harder ones – the moments where choosing yourself means setting a boundary, turning something down, or walking away from something that isn’t right for you.
One of the hardest things about choosing yourself is the fear of disappointing others. We can overthink, agonise, and build up the moment in our minds – only to find that, often, the response is far more gracious than we expected.
Recently, I had to say no to a close friend’s 60th birthday trip. I knew how much it meant to her; how significant this moment was in her life. But financially, it wasn’t a leap I could take. I worried for days about how she would react, imagining every possible way she might be hurt or upset.
And then – when I finally told her – she understood immediately. There was no drama, no resentment. Just love.
It made me realise how often we assume the worst, when in reality, the people who truly care about us will respect our choices. And if they don’t? That’s not our burden to carry.
Building Your Bank of Self-Love
If you need an excuse to celebrate love – start with yourself. Not just on Valentine’s Day, but in the way you move through life every day.
Here are five ways to start building your bank of self-love:
- Acknowledge Where You Already Say Yes to Yourself: What are the non-negotiables in your life? Where do you already prioritise yourself with ease? Recognising these can give you the confidence to make harder choices elsewhere.
- Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Choosing yourself doesn’t always feel good in the moment. Sometimes, it comes with guilt, sadness, or discomfort. Allow yourself to sit with those feelings instead of rushing to fix them.
- Say No Without Over-Explaining: You don’t need to justify why something isn’t right for you. “I can’t make it this time” is enough.
- Start a Self-Love Ritual: Whether it’s a Valentine’s card to yourself, a weekly solo date, or a morning ritual that’s just for you – create a practice that reminds you, consistently, that you matter.
- Trust That the Right People Will Understand: The people who truly see and value you will support your choices. The ones who don’t? That’s information, too.
Love Note from Your Wise and Wonderful Future Self
Hey, you. Just a little reminder – you’re doing better than you think. Every time you chose yourself, set a boundary, or listened to what you really needed, it added up. And looking back, you’ll be so glad you did. So keep going, trust yourself, and know that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.
Final Thought
Maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t about one grand act of love – it’s about all the little ways we show up for ourselves, day after day.
So, this year, whether you celebrate it or not, take a moment to ask yourself: How can I choose myself today?
Because if love is worth celebrating, then so are you.
And, just in case no-one has told you this today, I like you very much. Just the way you are.
